I learned to face and accept EVERYTHING. Things that provoked fear, sadness, happiness, disappointment, love, anger, joy, frustration, peace, annoyance, contentment, shame etc. etc. My whole life I had been selectively facing and accepting the emotions I considered “good” ones, while suppressing the so-called negative ones.
It was this automatic suppression of even tiny amounts of these feelings that built my tension and anxiety levels over time. For example, I ignored and buried seemingly undesirable feelings of anxiety, anger, or shame etc., triggered by everyday things like the traffic lights changing to red when I was in a hurry, or an off-hand comment by someone close to me. By doing so, I became emotionally numb and closed off. But not just to those hated feelings, but to all my emotions.
Recovery Practice
To recover, I had to change this way of handling my feelings. So, the first thing I did was place every emotion onto the OK list. That way I didn’t have to assess them against any criteria first. Whatever emotion I noticed – good, bad, or indifferent – I faced and accepted it. In fact, I consciously tried to stop judging them as “good” or “bad”. I simply viewed it as how I felt in that moment.
Facing and accepting everything is about becoming emotionally open and honest with ourselves, and not allowing small, subtle emotions to be suppressed and built up over time. Which is the way I believe many people get into the anxiety state in the first place, and how they slide back into the anxiety state after a period of peace.
By practicing facing and accepting everything, we develop our right inner voices of truth and acceptance. And it is the development of these voices that enables us to accept EVERYTHING that life throws at us, no matter how large or small.
I practiced not caring WHY I felt those emotions. I didn’t question the cause of them, or have to recognize and name them. All I needed to do was experience them fully and willingly. They might have been triggered by a memory, old habits creeping back in, or a reaction to an illness or issue in my life, what someone said or did, or something I saw or read. It really didn’t matter.
My only job was to notice the feelings, face them, allow them, accept them, float, sag, and let time pass. And, of course, be kind to myself and accept myself for who I am and how I am. If my mood impacted someone else, a simple apology without explanation or justification was enough. For example: “Sorry. I’ve been a bit ________ lately.”
As for the voice of fear rearing up its head and fighting back. Yes, that happened a lot. But accepting everything made that become so unimportant that I would just shrug and face and accept whatever emotion it was triggering. Not to make it go away, just to allow and feel it. Sometimes the emotion would persist for hours or even days, so the willingness to feel it without any expectations, and without a timeframe was key. This is where “let time pass” came in.
The Pay-Off
“Feel and accept everything” is the goal. That’s it. Not the outcome. Just the change in how we respond to our feelings. The outcome will take care of itself.
The magical bonus from this approach is that I even improved how I faced and accepted the so-called “good” emotions. I found this helped restore my joy, appreciation, gratitude, and love for life and those around me.
