There are a lot of myths and misunderstandings about recovery. Some of these are because of poor information out in the world, and some from our natural desire for immediate relief and recovery.
Myths are a barrier to achieving recovery from anxiety, as they keep us searching for the wrong things, using approaches that simply do not work, or giving up when we are actually making progress..
So what are the most common recovery myths, and what are the truths that we must substitute instead?
Truth: Recovery means normal occurrences of anxiety
Truth: Recovery means zero fear of anxiety
One of the recovery myths that I hear most often is that we will not experience any anxiety ever again when we fully recover. This is understandable as it comes from every anxiety sufferers’ desperate desire to be 100% free from anxiety symptoms, right now, and forever more.
The truth is we will always experience anxiety at times in our life. But it doesn’t have to be the intrusive exaggerated type we experience when in the anxiety state. We’ll still get “normal” anxiety from time to time, but not the runaway out-of-control anxiety that creates our suffering.
Recovery is NOT about achieving 100% peace. It is about returning to experiencing anxiety (and other emotions) at normal levels, at appropriate times, and for appropriate durations. It is important to allow ourselves to experience all of our emotions willingly and without judgment. If we wish to experience love, joy, peace, happiness etc., then we must be prepared to also experience and accept feeling such as anxiety, anger, frustration, sadness, loneliness etc.
Now that I have recovered, I get normal levels of anxiety for things such as going to the dentist or giving a speech. However, the feeling of being anxious does not bother me any more, so I don’t add second fear (the fear of the anxiety). And, when the situation is over, any anxious feelings fade away just as they should. I still have a low mood from time to time, but I no longer have the depression that was so often a part of my life. And I experience love, joy, peace, contentment etc. in abundance – more than I ever did before.
Recovery means that anxiety is no longer an issue, and our life transitions from one of mostly struggle & suffering to one of mostly calm & peace.
Truth: To recover, you must learn how to ALLOW and not to fight your anxiety. That is the only way it will leave for good.
Plain and simply, we don’t learn to get rid of anxiety. This is not how recovery works. In fact it is a trap, and is the main cause we descended into the anxiety state in the first place!!
When we try to get rid of anxiety we do one of two things: we fight it, or we avoid it. When we fight we add energy to it and make it stronger. We cannot overpower anxiety or defeat it through force of will. Avoidance doesn’t work either, because even if successful in that moment, it is still lurking just beneath the surface and will reappear with a vengeance when we are least expecting it.
No, the only path to recovery is through learning acceptance. We don’t learn how to get rid of anxiety – we do the opposite – learn how to accept and welcome it.
Sounds crazy, eh? Perhaps. But the explanation is quite simple. When we allow and accept anxiety, it allows the energy behind it to dissipate. It loses its strength and intensity. The more we can accept it, the more it dissipates. If we can accept anxiety 100%, then the anxiety state sensitization falls to zero.
That is recovery when we can accept everything. It seems impossible, but it’s not. How do I know? Because I have done it, and I have seen countless others do it too.
Truth: There is no quick fix. Recovery takes lots of practice and time.
As someone who has tried countless “quick fixes” over many years, and has now recovered the right way, I can confidently say that the idea there must be a quick fix is a recovery myth. There are no shortcuts to true recovery.
We may find things that give us partial or temporary relief, but we have not changed the underlying beliefs and thought patterns that caused the anxiety state in the first place, and keep it in place. These thought patterns take a period of practice and application of a specific approach to be permanently changed. Without changing them, the anxiety will inevitably (sooner or later) return.
The idea of a quick fix for our anxiety is a very seductive one, and understandable. It is fed by our desperate desire to be free from our suffering – NOW!
The main problem with this myth is that it causes us to give up on the acceptance method far too soon. We start looking for something quicker or easier. This is a fool’s errand, and will just prolong our recovery as we bounce from one supposed answer to another. The only way I know is to commit to the Acceptance Method and stick with it.
I fully understand that an approach that takes time is one we don’t want to hear – I’ve been there. It’s why I suffered for decades spending a small fortune and trying countless “quick fixes” before I found the way to recovery.
Of course we just want to snap our fingers and return instantly to a life of peace without anxiety. Unfortunately, if we act on this impatience it will virtually guarantee that we give up too soon on the method. We will abandon it before we have healed the thought patterns that cause our anxiety, and we will not make a full and permanent recovery.
We need to learn to accept this impatience, and take the time necessary to ingrain a new way of thinking about anxiety and responding to it. The Acceptance Method teaches us how to do this, and if we follow it, we will recover the right way. Having done this, I can assure you it is absolutely worth the effort, and then some.
Truth: Anxiety cannot be solved, it can only be allowed and accepted. Accepting anxiety 100% allows it to dissipate (recovery).
Almost every sufferer over the course of time becomes obsessed with trying to work out how they got into the anxiety state, and how to get out of it. Nothing we have tried worked, so we assume we must be missing some key insight. Or we conclude there is something we haven’t tried that will magically make all the anxiety go away. We then go round and round in circles, rehashing the same thoughts, and getting nowhere. It simply adds to our exhaustion and our despair.
We may get sidetracked into trying to fix individual symptoms such as pains or sensations, insomnia, eating problems, headaches, fatigue, breathing issues, blushing etc. We figure if we can solve a particular horrible symptom, then we will be much less anxious. Perhaps we believe we can achieve recovery fixing one symptom at a time. We can’t.
This is tackling anxiety from the wrong end. Even if we are successful at resolving a symptom, the underlying thought patterns are not changed. As a result, the offending symptom will either return or be replaced by some other symptom. But, more importantly, it will not bring us any closer to recovery.
All we actually need to do is to learn how to face and accept all our symptoms. By doing so, we will change our habits and thought patterns, and all the anxiety-related problems will clear up naturally.
There is nothing to work out, nothing to fix, nothing to control or manage. When we have mastered the method, we will have no need for special breathing techniques, sleep aids, anti-anxiety medications, or any other ways of managing our symptoms. Those things only alleviate symptoms and don’t cure anything. When we tackle the anxiety at its source, and change the underlying thought patterns, everything else falls into place automatically.
Truth: You absolutely can recover, with the right approach, and the persistence to keep at it.
Every anxiety sufferer that I have encountered has doubted whether they can recover for any or all of the following reasons:
a) I just don’t have what it takes
b) my anxiety is different than anyone else’s
c) my anxiety is worse than anyone else’s
d) I think I have an incurable type of anxiety
e) I have been suffering with it for too long
The truth is, your anxiety may seem very different from others, but it is all basically the same. It is your body’s reaction to adding second fear, and the intrusive, anxious thoughts that accompany the symptoms and feelings.
People have recovered from incredibly intense anxiety and panic, from anxiety they have had all their lives, and in spite of being convinced they could not recover.
Most of the doubts and thoughts that you cannot, or will never, recover come when you are in the depths of a setback. Your thinking is distorted when in a setback, so you must treat fears that come up during this time with distrust. Doubts are exaggerated, but at the same time they are very convincing. This is why it is important to build the Voices of Truth and Acceptance, so that you can recognize this distortion when it is happening, and treat it accordingly.
There is NOTHING about your anxiety that will prevent you from recovering. You just need to apply the Acceptance Method to it consistently and persistently over a period of time.