Situations are not the Source of your Anxiety

For those who are in the anxiety state, situations that trigger your anxiety are not the source of it. For that reason, resolving those situations does not get rid of the anxiety, which just transfers itself onto something else.

Stressful situations in our life tend to trigger the worst of our symptoms, so we naturally make a connection between these situations and how we feel. We try to resolve the situations in the hope the anxiety will go away, and when it doesn’t, we fight the anxiety instead, trying to avoid or suppress the feelings.

Unfortunately, those efforts are unsuccessful. This is because it is our very fear of the feelings and symptoms that keeps everything going. Nothing we try seems to help, and we become increasingly scared, frustrated, exhausted, despairing and depressed.

But we have missed the key to recovery: it is our fear of the emotions and symptoms that keeps us stuck in the anxiety state. If we are to recover, we must lose our fear of the anxiety. But how do we do that?

The Anxiety State vs “Normal” Anxiety

The anxiety we experience when we are in the anxiety state is very different than the normal anxiety we experience as part of day-to-day life. To begin with, it is usually much more intense, and may be almost continuous without a break. It often features weird and unusual symptoms that we cannot explain. It can make us feel as if we have lost control, and are stuck in some alternate reality.

When not in the anxiety state, we experience natural instances of anxiety that are usually related to a situation, and when that situation is resolved, our anxiety fades away. The anxiety triggered is generally proportionate to the severity of the situation. We take action to resolve the situation (or it comes naturally to a conclusion) and those anxious thoughts and feelings disappear.

In the anxiety state, however, things are very different. While situations may trigger our anxiety, the intensity of anxiety is usually way out of proportion to the situation, and continues on beyond the resolution of the situation. It spills over into other situations and areas of our life. Hence, when we are in the anxiety state, resolving the situation does not resolve our anxious thoughts and feelings.

Of course, it is still appropriate to take actions to deal with the situations that triggered the anxiety, but not in the hope or expectation that it will cure our anxiety.

Losing Our Fear of Anxiety

A key characteristic of the anxiety state is that our anxious thoughts and feelings are no longer situational. We react with fear and anxiety to ANY feelings or sensations of anxiety, in any situation. We will also react to any bodily sensations or intense emotions, whether they are anxiety related or not.

Therefore, it is ineffective to focus on the things that trigger the initial anxious reaction, because it can be almost anything. So, no matter how many things we avoid, our anxiety continues. If we follow that approach, then our lives will get smaller and smaller as we eliminate everything that triggers anxiety. In the extreme, we can become agoraphobic.

Instead, we must address our reaction to the thoughts, emotions, feelings, and symptoms that have been triggered. This may be a good place to say how we treat anxious thoughts differently from feelings/emotions/symptoms.

In simple terms, we must practice allowing but ignoring our anxious thoughts. Notice them, but don’t give them any importance. Just acknowledge them with a mental shrug and reaction of “whatever”.

With our feelings, we want to really face and allow them, and let them wash over us. Observe them with a curiosity, but also a sort of indifference. It is unimportant to figure out what those feelings are, what triggered them, or whether they seem logical and appropriate. We just have to feel them – as fully and as willingly as we can.

Practice on the Emotional Fallout Too

It is very important to practice on the emotions that we feel in the aftermath of a panic attack or anxiety occurrence.

The aftermath of emotions from an episode of anxiety or panic are usually a mix of anger, sadness, frustration, despair, and shame. There may be other emotions in there too. These can be felt sequentially or more than one at the same time. There is no need to identify them or label them, and certainly we should not attempt to analyze this reaction, or judge its intensity or duration. Whatever we are feeling is appropriate, and all we have to do is really feel those emotions.

The goal is not to make sense of them, to get rid of them, or to stop them from happening in the future. Our goal is simply to honor them, feel them, let them wash over us and play out just as they wish, so that we become more and more comfortable feeling these feelings.

Each time we go through this cycle of emotions in the aftermath of an anxiety or panic episode, and allow them as best we can, we lose a little bit of our hatred, dislike, and fear of them. Over time, we become comfortable feeling these feelings, while going about our day.

Recovery is Losing All Fear of Anxiety

As we lose our fear of having anxious thoughts, feelings, or symptoms, we also lose our fear of the panic attacks and anxiety reactions that cause them. When we lose our fear of having an anxiety or panic attack, then we no longer fear situations that might have triggered them.

Without the ongoing exaggerated reaction to anxiety, our nervous system calms down, and we desensitize. In time, we recover.