We’re all vulnerable to one degree or another. Those of us who are more sensitive and compassionate than most feel this vulnerability more strongly. It becomes a problem when we view this vulnerability as weakness. Then we fight against such feelings, because we believe we should always be strong, confident and in control. We try to block out the feelings, but inevitably we fail, and this causes anxiety.
At the core of it, we have low self confidence and low self esteem. We are highly judgmental and critical of ourselves. We feel we are always on the brink of disaster – either through failure, looking bad, or becoming embarrassed and full of shame.
We feel vulnerable. It is an uncomfortable feeling which we cannot bear because it makes us feel unsafe and fearful. We combat this feeling by drowning it with anxiety and anxious thoughts, and habits such as people pleasing and perfectionism. We think if we stay in control, don’t make any mistakes or upset anyone, then we will be safe, and this will get rid of our feelings of vulnerability.
But it doesn’t. These actions are merely a temporary distraction. And the feeling bursts through causing even greater anxiety.
Healing Our Vulnerability
The healing response lies in the opposite direction.
It is in the acceptance of our vulnerability that we find our true strength. We surrender instead of fight, allow instead of resist, and let go instead of trying to control. We achieve this by gradually learning to accept ourselves just as we are, being kind to ourselves when we struggle or make mistakes, and not judge or compare ourselves to others.
We stop trying to change who we are, and instead learn to accept who we are.
As we recover, we no longer use our anxious thoughts and adrenaline and people pleasing and perfectionism behaviours to distract from our feelings of vulnerability. Our minds have quietened down, and we begin to see our true selves. We allow ourselves to show up in the world as the imperfect but perfectly acceptable person we are, without any feelings of shame.
We allow ourselves to feel vulnerable and unsure without having to do anything about it. We accept these feelings are normal, and just part of being human. Acceptance and allowing this vulnerability opens up possibilities in the world that were previously not accessible to us. We can tap in to our creativity, our compassion, our joy. We become more and more our authentic self.
We no longer equate this feeling with impending doom, so we no longer need to be vigilant for problems, or struggling to be in control of everything. We can let go, slow down, and allow our nervous system to heal.
The more we allow ourselves to feel vulnerable, the less unpleasant it becomes, and the less urge we feel to do something about it. After a while it becomes just a part of the wonderful tapestry of emotions that come with being human.
