The fear that “nothing will ever change” can be a major stumbling block to recovery from anxiety. It is a very convincing fear, and can cause us to lose faith in the acceptance method and abandon our practice prematurely. But, like all our anxiety-based fears, it is just another gremlin that seeks to sabotage our recovery.
When a stubborn symptom fails to respond to our practice attempts, we entertain the thought that: “I can’t do this.” When the symptom disappears but returns in full force this triggers the thought: “Nothing has changed”, followed by: “I’m right back where I was X months ago”, and “I’ll never recover”.
Your Symptoms are NOT the Problem
Physical symptoms are simply the way in which your anxiety manifests in your body. These can sometimes be explained due to raised levels of cortisol and adrenaline, or from muscle tension, but it really doesn’t matter. They will resolve themselves as you recover from anxiety. The key thing is not to react to these symptoms by adding second fear, or by trying to work anything out. If they become severe or persistent, get them checked by a doctor, but when you know they are just anxiety, face them, allow them, observe them, and let them just wash over you without resistance. This is explained in greater detail in my book.
Your Feelings are NOT the Problem
Feelings or emotions may be triggered by the anxiety, or they may trigger anxiety themselves. Either way, they are a very natural part of being human. The key is to face and experience them as fully as you can and as willingly as you can. You treat them in very much the same way as the physical symptoms. Allow them to wash over you as willingly as you possibly can. It is the willingness that ensures you don’t fight them, try to push them away, suppress them, or change them. Just let it all happen without resistance. They need to be allowed to play themselves out and fade away naturally.
Your Thoughts ARE the Problem
These thoughts convince us our attempt to recover is doomed to failure, and therefore it seems pointless for us to continue practicing acceptance. But that means resigning ourselves to being anxious and suffering with anxiety for the rest of our lives – which is our greatest fear. We feel stuck, trapped in the Catch-22 scenario that we can’t recover, and we can’t accept living the rest of our lives suffering the way we are. We feel hopeless and in complete despair.
But notice that the whole train of thoughts originates from the fact that nothing SEEMS to have changed. Could it be you have made progress without being aware of it? Have you been preparing the ground for some major progress later on? Is this return of a symptom or inability to accept it right now just a temporary situation? Might things improve if you just stuck at it, without looking for improvements, or worrying about making progress? The answer to these is Yes, yes, yes and yes.
Recovery Progress is Often Invisible
Much of the improvements we see are invisible until some time after they have happened. Most of my revelations about progress on my recovery journey occurred on reflection. I would suddenly realize that some type of reaction hadn’t happened for a long time, or that I was handling certain situations much more easily than before, or that specific symptoms seemed to have disappeared.
It never helped me to go looking for improvements by analyzing my current state or comparing it with the past. In fact, that just invited judgment and self criticism, and efforts to control my recovery. Progress occurred when I simply practiced and let time pass. The revelations about my progress were exactly that – revelations. In other words, they revealed themselves after the fact, without any action on my part.
Stop Looking for Progress
This provides the recipe for continued practice:
- Accept that much of your progress will be invisible to you at the time it is happening
- Don’t measure progress by how you feel at any given moment. Your current mood or state is a totally unreliable way to measure progress. In fact, better yet – don’t measure your progress at all
- Trust that even on your darkest days you are learning more and more about acceptance, strengthening your right inner voices, and laying the foundations for a full and permanent recovery
We often cannot see our progress, and this is especially true early in our journey, at a time when we are most vulnerable to giving up. Have faith you are making progress. When you are laying the foundations, it is pointless expecting to see something resembling a finished house.
The phrase that captures this essential approach to your recovery journey is: Practice, and let time pass.
