The recovery from anxiety journey is very similar from person to person, regardless of the form their anxiety takes, how long they have had it, or how intense it is. The recovery struggles that people experience are universal too.
These can be broken down into two categories: “stumbling blocks” and “core principles”.
Stumbling Blocks
There are things that people typically do, or don’t do, when practicing the Acceptance Method that block their progress and cause recovery struggles.
The three key stumbling blocks are:
- Not applying the method regularly enough, or for long enough.
Repetition is crucial to change your understanding of anxiety, and your thinking when anxious. You need to repeatedly read about the approach long after you are sick of doing so, and long after you think you have heard it all and know everything inside out and backwards. Your anxious brain will keep reverting back to its old patterns without you realizing it. Also, each time through you get a deeper level of understanding. This is a necessary part of the journey.
- Fighting rather than letting go.
It is often hard to know when we are fighting. Sometimes people say: “I am practicing so hard, but I just can’t seem to accept”. Without being aware of it, your desire to just feel better makes you tense and struggle while you try to accept. And the more anxious you feel, the harder you try. But this just adds more tension. The practice must be the opposite – to allow, to let go, to surrender. Sometimes the harder we try to recover, the further away we get. It is necessary to let go, and let recovery come to you.
- Trying to feel better rather than learning to accept feeling anxious.
This is a paradox of the method. It doesn’t matter how hard we try to feel better; it won’t work. The feelings of anxiety, sadness, frustration, anger, depression etc. need to be honored and felt. It is when you allow these feelings in, willingly and without resistance, that you enable your tension levels to drop.
It seems like a contradiction when I say that to recover, you must learn to allow and be OK with feeling anxious. But just as the fear of the anxious feelings keeps the anxiety state alive, losing the fear of feeling anxious leads to recovery. It is not comfortable to allow the anxiety feelings, but even if it is unpleasant, it is not dangerous. And the more you do it, the easier it gets.
Core Principles
There are a few core principles of the Acceptance Method that people typically have a hard time grasping. Until you understand, believe, and accept that these principles are true and necessary, you will continue to have recovery struggles.
The top four core principles are:
- The goal with acceptance is NOT to get rid of the anxiety, but to learn how to accept it and let it be there.
I know that sounds strange if you are trying to recover, but anxiety simply won’t leave until you are perfectly OK with it sticking around. This is where a lot of people struggle. They practice acceptance looking for the anxiety to go away. You must do the opposite. You must face it, welcome it, and let it be there without resistance. It is unpleasant, even scary at times, but it is not dangerous.
This is hard to do, I know; but it is the way to recovery. It was the biggest and most important shift I made in my approach to anxiety, and was one of the tipping points in my journey to recovery.
- Don’t judge your progress by how you feel in any moment.
When you have a bad day, anxiety tries to convince you, you have gone back to the beginning. But all it means is you are having a bad day. Feelings come and go. Some days are better than others. It doesn’t mean anything. If you are practicing, you are progressing.
- Don’t fight or avoid the anxiety, and don’t try to hold onto the peace when it comes.
Don’t try to control your feelings one way or the other. Let whatever happens happen. Surrender to how you feel in every moment.
- Keep practicing, even when you feel it isn’t “working”.
Repetition is the key to recovery. Don’t keep checking to see if you are feeling better. Remember, “feeling better” is not the way to gauge progress. Progress is measured by how well you can accept feeling anxious.
Practice and let time pass. Don’t try to force recovery. Let recovery come to you.
