Among the reasons the anxiety state is bewildering and so hard to get out of are the many paradoxes of anxiety. These puzzle us and make us think they have to be solved if we wish to recover. The truth is these paradoxes exist and we just need to acknowledge them and do nothing about them.
Oh what a tangled web we weave. – Walter Scott
Paradoxes are riddles that have no answer. They cannot be solved, and the ultimate paradox is that trying to solve these paradoxes of anxiety keeps us in the anxiety state.
Trying to work everything out and searching for “the answer” just pulls us deeper down the rabbit hole. Healing from anxiety requires us to disconnect our thinking brain from the recovery process.
Acceptance is the key to recovery, and that means accepting whatever we are feeling, whatever state we find ourselves in. It means not trying to solve anything or doing anything to change it – just accepting it.
Paradox Examples
Here are some of the most common paradoxes of anxiety.
Paradox: The harder we try to recover, the deeper we sink into the anxiety state.
Anxiety is like quicksand. The more we struggle the more we go under. The key to acceptance and recovery is to learn how to float and surrender.
Paradox: Accepting that recovery takes time helps us recover sooner.
Unfortunately there is no “quick fix” for anxiety. However, if we give up on looking for immediate recovery, and let it take whatever time it wants, then we release the tension of having to get better quickly. This actually helps us desensitize and recover sooner.
Paradox: Anxiety terrifies us, but it isn’t serious at all.
We are afraid of our feelings – of experiencing the intense emotions. We are afraid when their intensity ramps up that we will be overwhelmed and overcome by them (hint: we won’t). The physical and mental symptoms also terrify us. Yet none of these is a real threat. And none of it is in the least bit serious.
Unpleasant? Yes.
Scary? Most definitely.
Serious? Not in the slightest!
Paradox: We struggle to accept, but acceptance is about NOT struggling.
Acceptance is simply a letting go. Giving up the fight. Nothing more. It doesn’t take any effort or concentration. In fact it is the exact opposite. If we find it difficult, then we are still fighting.
Paradox: We don’t know what to do to accept, but acceptance is about doing nothing.
As an analogy – standing, walking, running all take a certain amount of effort, balance etc. We have to be doing something to remain standing or to walk or run. But to fall down in a heap all we have to do is NOTHING. We stop doing the things that keep us standing or moving. We completely let go. Acceptance is the same – it is the result when we stop doing everything else.
Paradox: How we feel tells us nothing about where we are on our recovery journey.
It’s tempting to assume that when we feel better we are closer to recovery, and when we feel worse we are further away. However, this fools us into striving only to feel better (because we think that is what moves us closer to recovery.
This is a trap. Recovery isn’t about learning how to feel better, but learning how to accept feeling anxious. Surprisingly, each setback can feel just as bad as (or even worse than) previous ones and convince us we have made no progress, even when we are a long way towards recovery. But this is normal. We will have swings in mood all the way to recovery. Remember, progress is measured by how well we are able to accept the times when we feel anxious and fearful.
Paradox: Insights can seem both mundane and earth-shattering at the same time.
We can read about the principles of the method and the experiences of the recovery journey and understand them at an intellectual level, but we need to absorb them emotionally.
When we finally grasp the simple ideas at a deeper level they change our lives dramatically. They take on a much more profound meaning, and there is a paradigm shift. And that can feel earth-shattering in its significance.
How Do We Treat Paradoxes of Anxiety?
Simple – we do nothing about them. We don’t try to work them out or answer them; we just let them sit there unsolved. Let them remain one of life’s unanswered riddles.
Don’t follow your puzzling or bewildering thoughts or you’ll get lost in anxiety’s maze, and just add to the intensity of your symptoms. Anxiety tries to trick you into believing the answer to recovering is at the center of this maze, if ONLY you could find your way there. But that is all a bluff.
The solution to recovering from anxiety is detaching, staying on the outside and simply observing how the thoughts want to draw you in. Don’t fight with them; and don’t follow them. Just shrug and leave them alone.
_____
(Top image by Arek Socha from Pixabay)
