Early in the recovery journey it is common to despair when trying to practice the Acceptance Method, especially if symptoms are very intense. It can seem impossible to accept them, and nothing you try seems to lessen the intensity.
There are two common misconceptions at work here. Firstly, you are being unfair to yourself if you expect to be able to accept your symptoms right away. And secondly, the goal of practicing acceptance is not to have the symptoms reduce in that moment, but to simply practice acceptance and get better at it.
How to Approach Your Practice
You attempt to face and accept (i.e. allow) your anxiety symptoms when they happen, but only to the best of your ability. Acceptance is a skill that takes a long time to learn. There are many, many layers of acceptance.
When it feels like your symptoms are too intense to accept, you simply do the best you can, and then accept whatever is the outcome. They may or may not reduce in intensity right away. If you get an easing of your symptoms that is a bonus, but a lot of times you are going to feel unable to truly accept them. This is when you “accept that you can’t accept” in that moment.
Think of it like learning to play the piano. You’ve had one lesson, then anxiety throws so much at you it’s like asking you to play Beethoven’s 5th piano concerto. You can’t yet. In fact, you wouldn’t expect to even get close. You need more practice. Much more.
Same with anxiety. You will struggle with intense symptoms until you get much better at acceptance. When your symptoms are less intense you may accept a little more easily. So accept when that happens, and accept when you struggle.
How Will This Lead to Recovery?
Time is the answer. I know you want to feel better right now, but recovery takes time. Now, it won’t be all struggle. You will have peace from time to time during recovery, but you will struggle a lot. Be kind to yourself whenever you struggle. Success is not measured by how well you are able to accept, but by making the attempt.
The goal of practice must never to be in order to see a reduction or elimination of your symptoms because that is a form of fighting. Your practice should not be done “in order to” anything. It should be free of conditions and expectations. You must accept however your symptoms are in any moment as best you can.
I know this is not the answer people want to hear; we just want to be able to make our symptoms stop. But it is the truth of the anxiety condition and the path to genuine recovery.
Whenever you struggle, try facing and accepting any feelings of despair or discouragement too. In fact, do this for any emotions you experience, regardless of whether you think they are related to your anxiety or not.
The Truth about Recovery
As you practice, symptoms will ease up when they are ready to, not when you want them to. Any attempt to decide when that will happen, or to hurry it up, is fighting and will keep them in place.
Appreciate the times when your symptoms ease, but don’t try to make that happen or hang onto it when it does. But equally, be willing to accept when they return with intensity.
Recovery is not the absence of symptoms, but the ability to accept any symptoms.
There is a common misunderstanding about recovery when people embark on the journey. Because all we want is to get rid of our anxiety and symptoms once and for all, and right this very minute. Our practice is focused on and measured by how intense or unpleasant our symptoms are. This is a trap.
Recovery is not the absence of symptoms, but the ability to accept any and all of our symptoms whenever they show up. So your goal is not to be symptom free, but to be able to accept whatever symptoms you have.
Becoming symptom-free is a wonderful by-product of having complete acceptance. Because when you have recovered the right way by developing a 100% ability to accept any anxiety, then you can accept any normal instances of anxiety, you don’t react with fear or fighting, and so any symptoms quickly dissipate.
Recovery is measured by your ability to accept, not by the absence of symptoms.
