Indecision is a symptom of the anxiety state. It can have a major impact on our life. We may struggle with whether to go to a party, or go on a trip. We may wonder whether we should pursue a job opportunity, or take on a big project at home. The anxiety affects our thinking and makes it very hard to decide on even the smallest thing.
Do I? Don’t I? Should I? Shouldn’t I?
For example, if we are offered a promotion, we may want to take it, but we fear we won’t be able to cope, or that we will make a fool of ourselves because of our anxiety. So, we become stuck between the desire for the new role and our fear of taking it on. Conversely, we may not want the promotion, but worry that it is our anxiety that’s holding us back, and feel that we should push ourselves to take it in spite of how we feel. This same dynamic can be at work when deciding whether to attend a social event, or many other choices we face.
Indecision is common for non-sufferers too and can cause challenges, but for those in the anxiety state it takes on a whole new level of dysfunction. We filter everything through our anxiety, asking ourselves: “How will I cope if my anxiety affects this situation?” and “How is this situation going to affect my anxiety?” We simply cannot make the decision, and our frustration from trying further adds to our suffering. It feels like we are stuck, and that our life is going nowhere.
Why are We Indecisive?
Anxiety-based indecision arises for many reasons:
- We have lost touch with our true selves so we don’t feel we know how we really feel about things.
- Anxiety subtly plays into avoidance, hence if we decide against doing something we wonder if it was only because of our anxiety.
- We have difficulty focusing for any length of time, so it is hard to effectively weigh up our options before making a decision.
- Our thoughts have become circular, and we go round and round analyzing and re-analyzing our choices without reaching a decision.
- We are fatigued, so we have little energy for things, and we wonder how hard we should push ourselves.
- We want to recover from the anxiety before taking something on, but realize that delaying things frustrates us and doesn’t help our recovery. Besides, if we were never to recover, we would never do these things.
Facing big decisions (and even small ones) when in the anxiety state tends to put us into a loop – analyzing and questioning. We can get frustrated, angry and exhausted. Even after we have made our decision it is very hard to know whether or not it was the “right” one, because the effect of our anxiety is to cause a disconnect with our true feelings. We simply don’t know what we really want, and so we keep rehashing our decision long after it was made.
What Do We Do About It?
The remedy for anxiety-based indecision is very simple (not easy perhaps, but simple). It actually does not matter which decision we make (go to a party or stay home, do the home renovations or put them off, take the promotion or stay where we are), the key is to accept our decision completely once it is made – whatever it was. There is absolutely no value in judging whether it was “right” or “wrong”. No second guessing, no re-analyzing it, just being kind to ourselves, accepting our choice and the outcome of that choice, and moving on with our lives.
Finally, when we master this, life becomes a lot easier. Anxiety no longer attaches unreasonable importance to choices we make in our lives. We give ourselves permission to make the best choice we can in that moment, and accept that decision as best we can. It is a much easier, and ultimately more productive, way to handle decisions we face in life.
