Anxiety is a very tricky condition. It can bluff us day after day, week after week, year after year. And we fall for it every time. It’s like the school bully that knows exactly what to do or say to cause us to flinch or react, just by bluffing they’re going to do something to us. The fear of what the bully might do to us, and our reaction, is what keeps them tormenting us. So it is with anxiety.
Anxiety is a just a big bully. It constantly finds a way to make us flinch and react with fear. It pushes us around until our every waking moment is consumed by it, one way or another.
We are either anticipating it, planning how to deal with it, trying to avoid it or minimize it, experiencing and hating the symptoms, trying to fight it off, trying to work out how we can get out of it, feeling sorry for ourselves. In the extreme, just as with the bully, we may decide not to go out, and to isolate ourselves in the safety of our home/room. But as we find out, this does not bring us peace, just continued torment and shame.
The thing to know with bullies is that they are all bluff. If we stand up to them and challenge them, they fold up their tent and move on to easier targets. So it is with anxiety. We need to stand up to it, challenge it and call its bluff. It has no real power of its own. Its only power comes from our habit of reacting to it with fear. If we stop adding second fear (fear of the anxiety) then anxiety shows us what it really is – a toothless paper tiger.
When we call anxiety’s bluff, we begin to heal.
We call our anxiety bully’s bluff by turning and facing it when we feel the desire to run away. We look it in the eye, and say things like: “You’re pathetic”, “You’re just a pathetic joke”, “Do your worst”, “I’m not afraid of you”, “I see your bluff”, “Bring it on!” Then we give it no more attention, and carry on with what we were doing. The symptoms don’t clear up immediately, but over time when we do this, we retrain ourselves to face and accept feelings and symptoms of anxiety. Ultimately we break our habit of reacting with fear and fighting or avoiding.
Face the anxiety bully. Call its bluff. Allow whatever feelings we experience. This is an important part of the Acceptance Method.
