Many anxiety sufferers have an issue with physical pain in addition to their anxiety condition. Their usual reaction is to try to get rid of it. But it rarely works. Not surprisingly perhaps, the approach that is effective in dealing with physical pain is the same as with the emotional pain of anxiety Continue reading “Dealing with Pain”
Category: Anxiety
Anxiety related
Panic Attacks, Avoidance, and Agoraphobia
Panic attacks occur when we have a powerful reaction to anxious symptoms and feelings. We add a lot of second fear, and, believing we are in grave danger, our sympathetic nervous system Continue reading “Panic Attacks, Avoidance, and Agoraphobia”
Social Anxiety
I struggled with social anxiety for most of my life. It began in childhood. It wasn’t until I discovered the power of acceptance that I was able to recover from this emotionally painful condition.
Recovery comes when we accept ourselves the way we are. The ultimate goal with the Acceptance Method is to accept everything about ourselves.
When a bully wants to hurt us, what do they look for? Things about ourselves that bother us. The more the thing bothers us the easier time the bully has. They home in on our weakness.
When we accept whatever that is about ourselves, it is no longer a weakness. We become stronger. We can face the bully with an inner strength, born of acceptance. And when we do, miraculously, the bully leaves us alone and goes off looking for easier prey.
Anxiety is a bully, and we deal with it the same way by accepting everything about ourselves and facing the bully.
My Struggle
As a personal example, I was a very shy, quiet kid. When I was 5 to 6 years old, I remember family members seeing me react by saying, “Ohhh, he’s so shy!” This became something I hated about myself and made me feel so defective and ashamed. But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t change.
When I became an adult, it developed into social anxiety. It would only take someone saying “You’re really quiet” to trigger my shame and embarrassment. Friends would sometimes have fun teasing me about it. Some people used my fear and shame to hurt me. People and situations triggered it over and over. And each time, it reinforced that reaction pattern.
This habitual reaction became so powerful that it seemed impossible for me to overcome.
Recovery
Through application of the principles of acceptance, I finally made peace with being introverted and quiet. I accepted it. For a while the old social anxiety reaction was still triggered, but I did my best to accept I was quiet, accept that I was easily triggered, accept my reaction of feeling shame and embarrassment, and accept that for a while I still beat myself up for reacting that way.
Here is how things progressed (over a period of many months):
- Bit by bit, I stopped beating myself up
- gradually I had less of a social anxiety reaction
- then that happened less frequently
- subsequently, it would take more to trigger me
- then I became able to admit openly I was introverted/shy/quiet
- later, I could laugh about it
- finally, it no longer bothered me at all
It wasn’t a straight-line progression. There were many hiccups (setbacks) along the way, but that was my path to recovery from social anxiety.
To be clear, this recovery did not make me an extrovert. I am still introverted. I still need to limit my social interactions at times, and recharge my batteries with some alone time. But I am no longer shy. I have confidence, and can be outgoing when I choose to be.
No-one teases me anymore, and even if they tried, it would almost certainly fail. In any case, if they succeeded in embarrassing me, I would accept my reaction and be able to laugh about it.
This strength comes from my decision to accept everything about myself — all the things I viewed as the Good, the Bad and the Ugly — and removing those artificial judgments and labels. And to extend the Clint Eastwood reference a bit further… …I can challenge the anxiety bully: “Go ahead. Make my day”.
Up and Down Emotions
One feature of anxiety is how our emotions can change so radically and so quickly; often with no apparent reason. This dramatic fluctuation in our mood just Continue reading “Up and Down Emotions”
The Anxiety Cycle
Anxiety occurs in a very predictable cycle. Understanding the anxiety mechanism is the foundation for recovery. Here is Continue reading “The Anxiety Cycle”
Fear that Nothing will ever Change
The fear that “nothing will ever change” can be a major stumbling block to recovery from anxiety. It is a very convincing fear, and can cause us to Continue reading “Fear that Nothing will ever Change”
Anxiety and Uncertainty
Simply put, anxiety is a reaction to uncertainty – a hopeless struggle to gain control of our lives and our feelings.
We are unable to tolerate the intensity and unpleasantness of our emotions and our physical anxiety symptoms, so we Continue reading “Anxiety and Uncertainty”
The Paradox of Anxiety Recovery
I have found recovery from anxiety to be full of paradoxes – where I was required to think in the opposite way to what felt normal, opposite to the way I wanted to think. But I think the biggest paradox Continue reading “The Paradox of Anxiety Recovery”
Second Fear
“First fear” is the natural response to danger. “Second fear” is our reaction to the anxiety itself. Second fear is the Continue reading “Second Fear”
Anxiety is not Keeping Us Safe
It is common to feel that our vigilance and anticipatory anxiety is what keeps us safe. But safe from what? The “danger” that we feel is actually Continue reading “Anxiety is not Keeping Us Safe”